Two Weeks Notice

We know you’re probably thinking it’s better to stick with your cushy job in advertising, marketing, or PR. Sure, you’re saying to yourself, there’s more you’d like to do with your life, more you had hoped for, but advertising pays the bills. There’s a retirement program, and they have a fridge with free sodas.

We here at the AAAFFF did some research on second careers. What if Albert Einstein stuck it out with his job as a patent clerk? If Billie Holiday remained a maid who hummed while she worked, or Duke Ellington stayed a peanut vendor at Washington Senators’ games ‘till the day he died? I’m sure Henry Rollins would still be a great manager at Baskin Robbins. And if anarchist/feminist Emma Goldman had been able to keep shoving all her misgivings deep down inside, maybe one day she’d have made manager at that garment factory. Henry Miller, it is rumored, gave up fantastic benefits (the fresh air!) when he left the bike-messenger industry. Barbara Walters, one of the most respected journalists in our lifetimes, was once a publicist. Che Guevara could easily have retired on his income as a doctor.

But where would we be then? And where will we be if you don’t leave your job?

Clearly, the time to act is now. There are only two weeks left to apply for the 2008 AAAFFFA, and to make it just a tiny bit easier for you, we’ve created yet another handy tool for your personal use: The Clip ’n’ Send Letter of Resignation!

To use the Clip ’n’ Send Letter of Resignation, simply replace the text in all-caps with your own information, and send along to your boss, supervisor or HR department.

Don’t forget to BCC the FFF at AntiAdvertisingAgency dot com, and insert flattering comments about us for especial consideration!

The Clip ’n’ Send Letter of Resignation

YOU
YOUR STREET ADDRESS
YOUR CITY STATE AND ZIP CODE
YOUR COUNTRY

THE DATE

THE ADVERTISING, MARKETING, OR PR FIRM WHERE YOU WORK
STREET ADDRESS
CITY STATE ZIP
COUNTRY

Dear Sirs or Madams,

I am writing today to post my two-week’s notice at [YOUR FIRM OR AGENCY].

I can no longer bear to apply my problem-solving skills, creative flair, wit, charm, and hard-won integrity to increase the sales of [HOUSEHOLD CLEANERS/MEDICAL DEVICES/CARDBOARD BOXES] and [ITEMS OF NATIONAL DEFENSE/SODA/ATHLETIC WEAR]. I do appreciate that your excessive dedication to consumer awareness of such goods and services has inspired me lo these many [YEARS/MONTHS/DAYS] and wish you good luck in pursuit of your goal of [X-NUMBER OF DOLLARS SALES INCREASE OVER PREVIOUS YEARS/MARKETPLACE DOMINATION/YEAR-END BONUS LARGE ENOUGH FOR SUMMER HOME DOWN PAYMENT]. I feel sure, somehow, that you can achieve your dreams.

Still, you will have to do so without me. I am a brilliant thinker flush with creative talent interested in changing the world—not changing what it buys. I’m leaving your employ, therefore, and pursuing work [AS A JOURNALIST/IN THE SOCIAL SERVICE SECTOR/OF MY OWN CREATION]. By divorcing my creative output from commercial interests, I am reinvesting in the notion that one person can make a difference. Without corporate backing. These are, after all, the principles that [YOUR COUNTRY] was founded on: freedom and self-determination.

Which brings me to my point. In leaving this position, and the exploitative industry in which it is housed, I am eligible for an exciting new funding initiative from the Anti-Advertising Agency’s Foundation For Freedom. By filling out their AAAFFFA Kit—a short, enjoyable form I urge you to download now—I put myself in the running to:

1) Win accrued funds in the realm now of $700;
2) Be honored at a gala event on September 19;
3) Network with like-minded noncommercial creatives working for real social change; and
4) Receive a giant novelty check. Giant!

The cubicle-mates I will leave behind in two short weeks can attest to my deep-seated and long-held desires to be awarded a giant novelty check. They will be less likely to admit—although we discuss it frequently during smoke breaks, coffee runs, and at the bar—their own deep-seated jealousies that I will be finally leaving this inhumane environment and long-held rage built up by corrupting the public trust for personal profit.

So as eager as I am to leave your employ, I have no desire to discontinue our working relationship. Please, won’t you join me in going after a creative world-changing work environment unhindered by obsessive profit tallies, occasionally dishonest claims, and regular violations of state and federal laws?

I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,
[YOUR NAME]

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