Let’s face it: everyone hates advertising. Be honest! Even you, Mr. or Ms. Man in the Grey Flannel Suit: when you go on vacation you prefer a remote locale, far away from the hustle and bustle of billboards, commercial radio, and buzzing neon. You TiVo right through commercials, or watch only DVDs. You think ads in books are a dumb idea. And when a street teamer approaches you in a bar with a free sample of some hot new liqueur, you prefer your 12-year old Scotch, thank you very much, and make a mental note to go someplace else next time.
So we here at the newly formed Anti-Advertising Agency Foundation For Freedom (AAAFFF) propose a solution, Ms. or Mr. MGFS—and we think you’ll like it.
Stop making advertisements.
We’ll even pay you to do it.
That’s right, the AAAFFF is initiating the Anti-Advertising Agency Foundation For Freedom Award. This one-time grant will transition deserving individuals from the occupation we all hate. The 2008 AAAFFFA offers the gifts of freedom and cash to one of the most brilliant cultural producers alive.
We realize, Mr. or Ms. MGFS, that you and your colleagues offer some of the smartest and most creative output of today—that’s why we want you to make a real difference out in the real world. So we’re upping the ante on the bottom line.
Once you quit, we’ll provide tips, training, and networking opportunities for future careers in the arts, journalism, volunteerism, social work, anthropology, mentalism, or poetry. Deep down inside, we know you’ve always wanted to devote yourself solely to those pursuits. Now, thanks to the 2008 AAAFFFA, one lucky creative will be able to, without the horrible pressure to constantly sell, sell, sell.
Anyone can contribute to the 2008 AAAFFFA—and if you hate advertising, Mr. or Ms. MGFS, please consider a major donation. Try giving at the $5, $500, or $5,000 level. Why not let your economic stimulus package become a cultural stimulus package? Donations are 100% tax deductible and will help free a worthy creative, perhaps braver than yourself, from the advertising industry. The AAAFFF has been seeded with $500 from the pockets of the Anti-Advertising Agency’s very own Steve Lambert and Anne Elizabeth Moore, hard-earned exclusively from creative, non-commercial enterprises. Your additional contribution may fund such essentials as: fancy resume paper, canvas, skills-building workshops in a new career, food and rent while acquiring a new job, or colored pencils.
We will also accept non-monetary donations such as: frequent flyer miles, temporary housing, art and writing lessons, counseling, and apprenticeships. Anything that may help our lucky creative as they enter the world of the free.
The winner of the 2008 AAAFFFA will:
- Receive all accrued funds
- Be awarded a giant prize check made out in the winner’s name, with the words “For freeing your ass so your mind can follow” in the memo line
- Achieve personal freedom
- And be honored at The 2008 AAAFFF Award Ceremony and Reception in lovely New York City in late September—at the exact same time their former colleagues are celebrating Advertising Week.
While only one lucky creative will be honored with the giant check, rest assured that all applicants will be winners. Therefore, all applicants will be invited to The 2008 AAAFFF Award Ceremony and Reception in New York City to honor all the like-minded, brave colleagues who applied for our assistance in leaving the ad industry. There, applicants will mingle with other former marketing and PR professionals to plan creative, non-profit-making strategies for social change, civic improvement, and personal happiness. No industry professionals will be invited.
Applicants will also receive:
- Access to a network of like-minded peers in transitioning out of advertising, marketing, and PR
- A chance to win the cash prize and giant check
- A fancy reception with free food in lovely New York City
The AAAFFF couldn’t be more excited about out new initiative: we realize that you, Ms. or Mr. MGFS, tend to view the world strictly in commercial terms. The problem is that you’re forcing the rest of us to view it that way, too. Not to mention that you’re polluting the landscape, destroying the notion of public space, forcing people to place monetary value on friendship, education, health, and politics—things that used to be free—and violating several different bodies of law in the process. It’s damaging for us all.
So the 2008 AAAFFFA offers you a way out of this trap of a commercial lifestyle. Plus some cash money.
Please pick one:
- I’m ready to quit! Download the application form.
- I’m ready to donate! I’m in too deep and making too much money, but I’m ready to help the cause.
TO DONATE BY MAIL
Please send a check made out to “The Lab” to:
The Anti-Advertising Agency
c/o The Lab
2948 16th Street
San Francisco, CA 94103-3613
TO DONATE ONLINE
Donate online via PayPal. Please be sure to specify “Anti-Advertising Agency” as the item. Thanks!
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The Anti-Advertising Agency is fiscally sponsored by The Lab. The Lab is a project of The Art Re Grup, Inc., a non-profit organization operating within the meaning of section 501(c)3 of the Internal Revenue Code. Contributions and in-kind donations are fully tax-deductible within the parameters established by current tax law.